I'm trying to conceive. If one more person tells me to “relax” I might just headbutt them - an opinion based blog.
It’s kind of funny how we spent a lot of time in our early sexually active career trying NOT to fall pregnant. Then we make the conscious decision to “start trying”. Some of us tell our friends, others keep it a secret in order to surprise our loved ones. Some of us are super lucky and conceive really quickly. Some take a little longer. And some take what feels like forever.
“You’ve just come off the pill after being on it for some time, it’s normal that your period hasn’t returned, even if it’s been three months. You’re a healthy young adult and you need to try for at least a year before we start looking into things” - a very well-meaning, experienced GP.
Now, I’m a type A personality. I like control, predictability and order. This ‘wait and see’ thing just doesn’t really work for me. I needed results yesterday. Also, I know my body and I reckon something isn’t right. Call it intuition.
I wait a few more months and try to start tracking my cycle on one of those apps. I didn’t want to be this person, I wanted to just have lots of sex and hope for the best. But after 12 months of that, and noticing that my cycles were super irregular, I began my hardcore trying to conceive (TTC) journey.
It’s a long story from there. Lot’s of tests, a PCOS diagnosis, lots of unsuccessful intervention and lots of stress. Obviously, after quite some time, I eventually did fall pregnant, as most women who have been in similar circumstances do, and what a glorious day that was when I received that phone call. But we have to address something here…
Stop telling us to “just relax” Sandra.
Every time you tell us to relax, we are pushing down the urge to physically harm you, or burst into an ugly Kim Kardashian cry. So do yourself (and us) a favour, and “just zip it.”
We know we need to stay calm in order to help our chances of conceiving, but I don’t need to feel stressed about the fact that I’m stressed, you feel me?
When friends with the best intentions (bless their little cotton socks) told me to “go on a holiday” or “take some time off work” or “just stop thinking about it and it will happen”, it didn’t make me feel better. What did make me feel better was taking time to do things that brought me joy, even when I was feeling sad.
Sticking my feet in the sand down at the beach, cuddling my dog (and then my second who I like to call my ‘infertility dog’ - an impulse purchase that brought a huge spike in dopamine, however, one I would not necessarily recommend because it is a lifetime commitment and when I eventually had two babies under two years old and two dogs and a husband, it was all a bit much!), long, hot showers, and slow flow yin-style yoga. Simple things that I could do everyday.
If you’re in this predicament, drown out the noise, politely tell Sandra to shut it, and focus on what sparks joy.
If only it was that easy, to just relax.
P.s. Guided Yin-style stretch classes will be coming soon to Evolving Bellies’ Membership Section. Join our mailing list to find out when they become available.